Sarah came to us recently with a very old story. Her husband had cheated on her, and not just once. Sarah felt hurt, betrayed, angry, and worthless. She also felt dishonoured.

Her husband? In essence, he said, “Sorry. Now, get over it. I am a busy man.” This guy -- like so many more like him -- has no idea how much pain he caused by his unfaithfulness.

Yet he wants to save face. He wants to look like the good husband, father and businessman. In short, he wants an honourable reputation, while at the same time dishonouring his wife. It seems that hypocrisy has no limits.

I will talk about the tragedy of adultery in future articles, but in this one, I want to follow the idea that every wife has a deep need for honour. If her husband meets that need, she will do anything for him. If he does not, she could well resent any desire he expresses.

Honour and value are closely related words. When a wife feels dishonoured, she also feels devalued. “Am I worth nothing to you?” she will ask her husband. It is a legitimate question.

The desire for honour is in a woman’s nature, put there by her Creator. If her husband does not honour her or value her, she will always have an empty place in her heart. Empty places are dangerous places.  Poisonous attitudes can grow there: hopelessness, resentment, bitterness, and even self-destructive ideas.

However, when a husband does honour his wife, he strengthens her inner self -- the source of her true beauty. He helps her stand up on the inside. Material things cannot strengthen a woman's heart, but honour from her husband can.

One beautiful woman, married to a rather plain man, was asked why she didn't try to find someone more exciting. "It's simple," she said. "He makes me feel important, and that is worth much more than excitement," she said.

Why do husbands fail to honour their wives? Some men grew up with a wrong example. They were taught well to honour and respect their mothers. After all, mother gave them life.

They did not, however, see their own father honour their mother, as wife. No law states that we have to emulate a bad example, but we often do. Perhaps that is why harmful attitudes pass down from generation to generation.

Sometimes men fail to honour their wives, simply because they are too self-centred. That is certainly true of Sarah’s husband. A self-centred man only thinks about how things affect him, and not about how they affect his wife or children.

What then does it mean to honour our wives in practical experience?

Honouring your wife means keeping your promises, especially your promise to never allow another woman to have a place in your life that belongs only to your wife.

Honouring your wife means giving her a unique respect you would not give any other woman, even your mother. Please understand. Every man must respect his mother. Honouring our parents is one way we honour God. It seems, too, that honouring our parents creates an orientation in our lives that leads to greater blessing and personal fulfilment.

The problem comes when a man gives excessive honour to his mother, but little honour to his wife. That creates resentment.

A husband honours his wife by recognising her talents and gifts and helping her develop them. It seems that some husbands are threatened when their wives demonstrate new talents and gifts. They may even become angry.

I had a friend in high school who told me that her boyfriend always made her look small, so he would look big. Do you treat your wife like that? Or, do you encourage her to develop her potential as a woman?

A man honours his wife when he recognises her wisdom, and is willing to learn from her. Your wife will feel honoured, when you value her viewpoints and opinions.

A man honours his wife when he refuses to allow the children to bully her or disrespect her. Boys, especially, learn how to honour women by the way their father honours their mother.

A good husband needs open ears to listen to his wife's counsel. He needs an open heart to weigh and consider that counsel. He needs open arms to welcome her closeness. He needs open eyes to see the good things -- the honourable qualities -- in the woman he has married. And, he needs an open mouth to voice his appreciation of her.

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