Sam has a wife with a smile that lights up the darkest room. That smile rises, like the sun, on a face as smooth as warm chocolate, accented by sparkling eyes. Hair like spun black silk crowns her well-shaped features, cascading onto her shoulders.

Anna is not tall, nor long of leg. But she is a jewel -- small, but precious. Her inner beauty even surpasses the outward. She is pleasant, not temperamental and very supportive. Sam is a lucky guy!

There’s another woman among their acquaintances. Tall, long-legged, elegant -- a woman who can wear anything, from a Sari (a traditional Indian ladies’ costume) to jeans, and make it look regal. Of her inner beauty I know nothing, but outwardly she is what we Americans call a “knock out”.

Like every other man (and I do mean every other man), Sam cannot help noticing her when she enters a room. Truthfully, I think this lady wants men to look at her and desire her.

But I could be misjudging her. In the old movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Jessica Rabbit, a long luscious looking cartoon figure, says: ”I’m not bad; I’m just drawn that way”. Maybe this young lady, long legs and all, is the same!

Sam doesn’t lust for her. But, in subtle ways, he wants Anna to be more like her. He has compared his short, sweet wife to this regal beauty. Anna feels devalued. It sounds like Sam would be much happier with “Miss Longlegs”.

That is so unfair to Anna! The comparison throws a shadow over all her wonderful qualities. Let’s not forget Anna’s unique commitment to Sam, as his wife for life. Some people who know Sam cannot understand why Anna married him. Short himself, balding since his twenties, a little chubby. But Anna loves him like crazy! Surely that alone, sets her apart from any other woman.

Anna can never be this other woman, but why should she be? And, why should Sam diminish Anna’s value by comparing her to anyone else? It won’t make her a better person, but it could make her a bitter wife.

In worst cases, negative comparisons lead to discouragement, jealousy, envy and despair. But they never, never, make us better, happier, more fulfilled people.

Sam is infected with the same restlessness and discontent that has plagued the human race forever. How many times do we find ourselves saying, “If only?”

”If only my husband was more talkative”, “If only my wife would talk less”, “If only I had married the other person”, “If only she had not become fat after our son was born!”

We knew a lady who went through a serious surgery that had left her scarred. Her husband, a candidate for the “Worst Husband of All Time” award, saw the scars and told her that he could never make love to someone who looked like that. Reprehensible!

The Five Cow Wife

In one African village, the custom was to pay for a wife, with cows. The better the woman, the more cows she would fetch. There was a man in this village with only one daughter. She was shy, not beautiful, and had no obvious qualities. Definitely worth only one cow, and a skinny one, at that!

One day a man came to this girl’s father to ask for her, as his wife. And he offered to pay five cows! Five cows would buy a princess! Obviously, this man had spent too much time in the hot sun! The father sealed the deal before the man could come to his senses.

The villagers heard of this, of course, and did what all villagers do. They laughed, they mocked and they made this man with his five-cow wife a walking joke! But the man was not fazed. He had the serene smile of a man who knew something no one else could have guessed!

As time went by, something amazing happened to the five-cow wife. Knowing how much her husband valued her, her attitude changed. She became confident, bright and a leading woman in the village. She stood tall, not with arrogance, but with the quiet dignity of a woman who knows her true worth!

All that happened because one man saw her true value and paid the price to make her his own. Did other women have more natural beauty? Fairer skin? Nicer bodies? Perhaps! But this man wasn’t comparing. He appreciated the wife he had and her value -- like a rare painting -- appreciated too.

Refuse to compare your spouse, in any unfavourable way, to any other man or woman! Instead, show them how much you value them.

“But he really needs to change,” you say. Don’t we all? We will never develop healthy, loving partners by negative comparisons. We will, though, if we value them for who they are.

By the way, “Miss Longlegs” is still single, and has starting to worry that her sell by date is fast approaching. Sam has learned his lesson and treasures sweet Anna for the jewel she is!

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